I don’t want to get to the end of my life and regret. I don’t want that feeling of ‘I wish I had…" or "If only I’d tried…" I just don’t want that feeling. I don’t think I’ll be laying on my death bed thinking "I wish I’d eaten sushi… just once," or even "If only I’d been a little more wild – less time at home…" Those are the kinds of things I just won’t regret. I love being home. I hate eating gross-smelling stuff. I have no desire to rebel and do all the things most people think are fun and cool – it’s just not me.
But I might regret the way I spend my time. I might regret not getting on the floor to play with my kids, or just being goofy or letting myself look stupid.
I’m about to make a confession. I shouldn’t probably, but I will. We wake up pretty early now – 6:30 – which is early for me – and last night, I was up pretty late working on a couple of assignments. Well, I didn’t get them done. So, this morning, I woke up and got Sophia off to school and then quickly finished up the assignments. After that, I had about an hour before I HAD to get ready and then a meeting at the church.
So now, a quiz:
How do you think Courtney spent that lone hour?
Did she: A. Use that hour wisely, cleaning the kitchen and catching up on laundry folding. OR
B. Discreetly sneak back into bed with her Disk 3 of Grey’s Anatomy Season 2 DVD to watch yet another episode?
Well, which is it? A or B?
Yeah. I probably shouldn’t even admit to loving that show, but I am totally sucked in. I am addicted. I miss the characters when I’m not watching it. Isn’t that weird? I think it’s replaced the ‘Felicity’ factor in my life. I think it’s amazing that good writing can do that. It can creep into your brain, your heart, your soul – make you want to know more, make you care about the people on the screen. I want to be that kind of writer.
Anyway, I don’t regret that hour. Not because of the show, but because Ethan woke up and came in the room with me. (I was watching on a personal DVD player with headphones, so there was no way he would hear anything inappropriate, like, for instance, that George’s patient who was a 14-year old girl was actually a 14-year old boy (internally). Yeah. Anyway… he wasn’t feeling the greatest, which translates into a very cuddly three-year-old.
I got to sit there, holding my son, not even quite awake, as he rubbed my forehead with his stuffed monkey’s tail and said "I love you, Mommy." THAT is the time I never want to let go of. Those are the moments I want to cling to. Moments like that and like this moment… where I went in to Ethan’s room to tuck him in, and found him completely knocked out with Adam’s swim goggles on. (Yes, he still has a pacifier at bedtime – leave me alone!) I couldn’t stop laughing at this. He must’ve been "Sporticus" when he fell asleep. That’s the way I want to spend my time… not all the meetings and the errands and the running around.
Setting boundaries. Keeping my family first. My new goal. No regrets.